If you’re not being even the slightest bit compassionate, you are likely contributing to the problem.
How Are You Contributing To The Problem?
My daughter is in her “terrible twos”. When she loses it, she loses it completely, and it’s hard to snap her back into reality, to get her to calm down. I mean we’re talking rolling-on-the-floor-pounding-the-hardwood-screaming-at-the-top-of-her-lungs kind of stuff here.
For myself and my wife, it’s particularly difficult because Addison was an absolute sweetheart of an angel her first couple years. She was an incredibly easy baby to handle, to the point that we have had friends and neighbors tell us we were not really parents because she wasn’t really acting like a child.
She was more like a pet. With a diaper.
That’s what makes it so frustrating when she gets uncontrollably upset about something.
And when I get frustrated, I tend to yell and shout and fuss and stomp (and eat junk food and hit pillows and post nonsense on social media and smash other people’s Shawn Mullins CDs – not their vinyl… that’s just wrong).
I know I shouldn’t do all these things, because I know they don’t help. But it’s sometimes a struggle to control myself.
Contributing To The Problem In The Adult World
As adults, we have similar experiences with other adults too.
We expect others to think or act or speak a certain way, and we lose our minds when our expectations aren’t met.
Think about an argument you have had recently with someone. Think about the one you’re having right now.
You may absolutely be in the right, but is what you are doing and saying helping to resolve this issue, or is it adding to it? Might your behavior be a contributing factor to the prolonged status of the conflict?
In the adult world, being right is more than just being factually correct – it’s also the way in which you conduct yourself as a human being in relation to other human beings (in particular those with whom you disagree).
If you’re not being even the slightest bit compassionate, you are likely part of the problem.
How Can You Stop Contributing To The Problem?
Here are some things you can try in order to alleviate your frustrations and be the solution, rather than a contributing factor, to the problem.
- Take a deep, two-second breath before you react.
- Make a list of things you may be doing to contribute to the problem.
- Think about it from the other person’s point of view.
- Understand the other person’s perspective and/or expectations. If those are unclear to you, ask. There’s nothing wrong with being the first to offer the olive branch.
- Could it be you lack conflict resolution skills, or you tend to avoid conflict? Believe it or not, that could actually be a contributing factor. Check out this blog on Conflict Resolution Skills.
There are a great many things that could be contributing to the problem that might not even come to mind. In truth, if your end-game is not to resolve the issue, you are absolutely not in the correct mindset. Getting your head and your heart in the right place will generally either lead you to the right solutions, or get you moving in the right direction to find them.
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What issues, conflicts or problems have you experienced recently where you think you might have contributed in a negative way? How were those issues resolved? How might you have behaved better? Share your story below!
Portions of this article were published in Operation Joy: 30 Daily Missions To Inspire Joy In Yourself & Others.